Lmao raise your hand if the hatred you feel for Luceris burns hotter than the fiery pits of hell~ I’m only half joking. If this man was dying of thirst and I had a glass of water, I would smile, look him in the eyes, and pour every last drop into the ground. Great story, exceptional writing. :)
But fr i love the setting and the way the mc’s past is set out, theres so much mystery surrounding Luceris’ past too and I cant wait to find out more about the whole cast. Its all just set perfectly❤️❤️
If i may offer stylistic adive: divide your long sentences into smaller ones to help with pacing for reading. F.e., you have sentences with 5-6 clauses, they easily can be split into 2-3 sentences.
Your worldbuilding is amazing. From the very beginning I felt sucked into the fighting of these two nations. I genuinely teared up with our parting with Alistair and Luceris's conversation with Helios. I am excited for the next chapter!
I love the premise and it's actually a really good story. It has so much potential, but most of the times I don't feel like I can control the MC at all. Pre-set personality is totally fine, but it feels like my choices didn't matter. Most of the times I wish my MC could say/do things differently. Giving more text flavour to MC's answear/action could make this IF even better! It would be a lot of code work tho, probably...?
I will give an example; when my MC talked with Luceris; I felt like the conversation was being forced to me, as a reader, and I have no control on how the conversation could go. I personally wish she could just ignore him and everyone instead (even Lancelot), I wish that's an option. I think the only option from that conversation was lash out/keep calm. Oh well, I wish I didn't talk with him in the first place. But, if talking with him is an absoultely important aspect for the plot line, I wish she could act in various way, one of it like just listen to his woe is me story and ignore him, merely because I don't wanna talk with my family's murderer lol
And start from there, I don't see much options either, no option on how we could act when we are being looked at, or when we were being called demon, etc. As for now the reader have little control on how the MC could act.
I know the current demo doesn't have a lot of options and it's mainly because I didn't want the personality at 9 years old to affect grown up MC's personality a lot later on so the options were mainly superficial.
I am currently working on chapter 2 and it has more choices regarding how MC acts so I hope you give it a chance!
A gripping game, I feel so bad for the main character. (and helois! oh my god, imagine his reaction when he figures out what his father did? would he be as angry and agree with the actions, or would it make him hate his father??? and with whats happpening at the end of chapter one.... that would horrify me if I was helios or mc! Im so so excited to find out! hes also so silly hes definitely my favourite <33) Honestly, ive been looking for my interactive fictions to get into, and this is just the one. Very excited to read more!
don't remember where nut you have the word "enoug" I think might be missing an 'h'.
and y'know just my preferences talking here but.. found the bit of railroading repeating text a little jarring in a way that wasn't my vibe. also a lot of dripping dialogue lol, why not have some sentences drip with this tone but have the next one laced with it's own and the NEXT honeyed in it's tone and etc etc 👀
Loving it so far and always thrilled to follow a rad newly discovered writer! Waiting with bated breath for more!
Thank you so much! I'm glad you were able to visualize things because of my writing, I've been trying to get better at describing locations to make players feel as if they're there so this means a lot to me. 💗
I'm so looking forward to this. Your writing is amazing and the story is soo interesting. I can't wait to this to continue (I already in love with some characters, they are so loveableee)
This is so good!! Just one little thing to point out:
[SPOILER WARNING]
MC finds his parent's room and runs into the king who has killed them. I chose the option where he finds a sword and stands up to the king stating that he has killed his family. Once Lancelot steps in and saves him, MC asks him if his parent's death is like an illness and if they will stop being dead at some point.
[END SPOILER WARNING]
I find this naivety weird because MC just pointed out that they lost people to killing implying they understand the concept of death. I recommend changing this if they are intended to be naive (which is understandable since they are a young child at this point in time).
It is stated earlier in the prologue that MC doesn't understand what death truly means and you can see throughout the chapter (e.g when MC encounters the dying soldier) that MC is still uncertain on what death looks like. They know the word death but not what it truly means except the fact once people die you can't interact with them. It's almost like an illness in their head, something that can be treated before it's too late.
I hope that made sense, if not let me know! Maybe I should add something like the above in the prologue so it doesn't seem strange. 😅
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The characters are very layered and the situation the MC's in makes us really engage against all the injustice inflicted by the King.
Also, seeing the main characters having their own opinions and visions is great. I like the writing and the UI is good.
Maybe a dark version would be easier on the eyes since I have high eye light sensitivity, although I'll definitely keep my eyes on this IF's next updates as I really like the idea behind it!
Hi! I'm planning on implementing a dark mode in the next update, currently I'm busy so it won't ’t be any time soon I'm afraid. I'm glad you enjoyed it!
For what's here already I really enjoyed it. There are some moments where emotions are forced on you a little though. I get that Lancelot is meant to be a sympathetic figure in an otherwise hostile environment, but I feel that my character warms up to him far too quickly, especially given all my choices up to that point had been either silence or outright hostility. The kitchen scene seems especially chummy given that my character still sees him as an enemy.
This is so good, it's so well written that I actually cried.
/Spoiler:
Reading this I noticed how petty I am, cuz damn I couldn't help myself, I had to tell Helios that his father killed my family lol can wait to see this story unravel and get mc's revenge
Also, I was going to ask is there a road map for this game? Like, are you aiming to release a chapter every 1-2 months or it just happens when it happens? :) thanks
You can almost say you already are halfay in his shoes, in a sense. The man lost a part of his family supposedly due to a murder culprit linked closely to MC. And now MC is in a position themselves where they lost family due to him murdering them.
But there are two possibly big key differences to situation between him and MC. The most notable one being what choice each readers' MC will make when dealing with Luceris: will they continue the cycle the king started or break it in some manner (not exactly forgiveness; just not resorting to his methods). The second (debatable) key difference is...well, MC saw for themselves Luceris had killed their family; was physically there when their home was under attack by him. Luceris, however, only discovered the poison when his wife passed away and has three big evidence that he claims as three big truths. However, while the clues may lead to the direction he and many others are convinced leads to the culprit being no question, they may not be as reliable as many believe. And MC themselves may discover something off if they look closer to things most others (maybe even the king himself) might've just did a glance of.
Man, imagine if it wasn't actually our sister that poisoned the queen and someone used her as an scape goat, what if the ones who poisoned the queen were the people who the king mentioned that frowned upon their union, imagine how the king would felt knowing he murdered innocent people and let an child, younger than his own, to suffer for it?
Again, that's just an random thought, but the angst would be welcome for that guy, I was almost simping for him thinking he had redemption but then that final just poured a bucked of cold water on my sympathy for him 🙂
I was thinking the same thing! I'm wondering if maybe her sister really didn't do anything, but someone else did and just said that she was the one who told the servant to poison his wife.
I think your thought isn't so random; in fact, some things that have come up in the story so far seem to show that Luceris is more in dark about what may really be going on than what he has the capacity to realize right now.
First, let's take a look at Luceris himself. Can we really say he's doing any of this with a clear mind? He was more than willing to send MC to the afterlife with their parents had Lancelot hadn't painted the fact that the person he was about to slaughter was younger than his own son. His goals are driven by his grieving love for a lost wife and a need to fill the hole of the loss by pursuing vengeance against anyone connected to her supposed murderer, no matter how uninvolved they were in the possible plot (like child MC). The moment he was given a name to target, he likely went charging for it and didn't give the clues presented to him the thorough look over needed to spot if something is off. And the years will likely not lessen his emotionlly cws.
Now, let's look at the evidence he presents MC of the sister's guilt as a murder culprit: a plant that is native to the homeland, a maid accomplice witness, and a letter apparently written by the sister. There's no denying all of this is quite incriminating, especially when one also adds the apparent history she has with him. However, all this evidence is not as intangible as he makes it seem; these are things that can be tampered with. And such a obvious path leading to said culprit (one he was strongly inclined to suspect in the first place), it makes the idea she is the true mastermind even more questionable: after all, someone who worked slowly and secretly to gradually poison the queen doesn't sound like a person who would leave behind such a obvious trail...unless they were leaving that trail behind on purpose to misled. And what could be more of a perfect scapegoat to their crimes than someone the king would easily suspect in his emotional state?
Finally, there's the initial rejection path and what it gives players a peek at. I feel it strongly implies that there may be a third party involved in all this, and one that is actively targeting MC and maybe even Luceris or/and Helios as well.
Now all this doesn't completely mean the sister wasn't some part of what happened to the queen; unfortunately there's currently no real solid evidence right now that proves someone else might be involved or that the current evidence has something off about it. But there are bits here and there so far that bring to question just how much can we really trust things are really as Luceris and his subjects make it seem.
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So many emotions in your writing, I love it. Can't wait for chapter 3. 5/5
Thank you so much! 💗
Lmao raise your hand if the hatred you feel for Luceris burns hotter than the fiery pits of hell~ I’m only half joking. If this man was dying of thirst and I had a glass of water, I would smile, look him in the eyes, and pour every last drop into the ground. Great story, exceptional writing. :)
Lmao 😭😭 Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it.💗
AHHHH YOU DID IT AGAIN IM HOOKED ONCE MOREEE
chapter 2 was so beautiful, your writing is beautiful, the characters are beautiful THANK YOU FOR THE FOOD
Aaaa thank you so much for your kind words 🥹🥹 I'm so happy that you enjoyed it!
AAAA I JUST LOVE YOUR WRITING SM!! Every moment is full of emotions for me, and i enjoy that sm!
But fr i love the setting and the way the mc’s past is set out, theres so much mystery surrounding Luceris’ past too and I cant wait to find out more about the whole cast. Its all just set perfectly❤️❤️
Thank you so much 🥹🥹 It makes me very happy that you like it!
If i may offer stylistic adive: divide your long sentences into smaller ones to help with pacing for reading. F.e., you have sentences with 5-6 clauses, they easily can be split into 2-3 sentences.
Thank you for the feedback!
First of all, great story.
Second of all, Luceris is a sick bastard and I'm going to kill him.
Thank you! 💗
is there a dark setting? The white ones suck the eyes right outta my head.
Hi, dark mode will be coming on the next update which is on the 28th!
This was a terrific story! The prologue and chapter 1 was great — can't wait for the next chapter (but take your time!) ⸜(*ˊᗜˋ*)⸝💛
Thank you so much! 💗 The next update comes on the 28th.
The story is so good! I love this, keep it up! <3
Thank you so much!
omg the things I’ll do to play this for the first time again,, this was beautiful!
Can’t wait for chapter 2, keep it up 👍 you’re absolutely amazing :DD
Thank you so much!
Please don't say that I'm the only one because every time I come here, I look at this IF and think, "Now that's what a masterpiece looks like" 😮💨✨.
I'm sorry, like mate?
You can't possibly not adore this 😭
That’s very sweet of you 😭😭💗 Thank you so much!
NO! Thank you so much for this IF ✨😭❤️
I loved the demo, you're a amazing writer and i really look forward to see where the story goes :)
Thank you! 💗
NO I NEED MORE
And what tha hell was that in the end i want to refuse >:(
Good game by the way
Ps: i wish i could just ignore or punch people when they talk about your familiy
Kinda like they are talking about your dead family you know and most of them are just rude so violence is tha wae
Thank you! 💗
Your worldbuilding is amazing. From the very beginning I felt sucked into the fighting of these two nations. I genuinely teared up with our parting with Alistair and Luceris's conversation with Helios. I am excited for the next chapter!
Thank you! 💗
I love the premise and it's actually a really good story. It has so much potential, but most of the times I don't feel like I can control the MC at all. Pre-set personality is totally fine, but it feels like my choices didn't matter. Most of the times I wish my MC could say/do things differently. Giving more text flavour to MC's answear/action could make this IF even better! It would be a lot of code work tho, probably...?
I will give an example; when my MC talked with Luceris; I felt like the conversation was being forced to me, as a reader, and I have no control on how the conversation could go. I personally wish she could just ignore him and everyone instead (even Lancelot), I wish that's an option. I think the only option from that conversation was lash out/keep calm. Oh well, I wish I didn't talk with him in the first place. But, if talking with him is an absoultely important aspect for the plot line, I wish she could act in various way, one of it like just listen to his woe is me story and ignore him, merely because I don't wanna talk with my family's murderer lol
And start from there, I don't see much options either, no option on how we could act when we are being looked at, or when we were being called demon, etc. As for now the reader have little control on how the MC could act.
Thank you! 💗
I know the current demo doesn't have a lot of options and it's mainly because I didn't want the personality at 9 years old to affect grown up MC's personality a lot later on so the options were mainly superficial.
I am currently working on chapter 2 and it has more choices regarding how MC acts so I hope you give it a chance!
Definitely! I'm interseted to see where the story will go. :)
A gripping game, I feel so bad for the main character. (and helois! oh my god, imagine his reaction when he figures out what his father did? would he be as angry and agree with the actions, or would it make him hate his father??? and with whats happpening at the end of chapter one.... that would horrify me if I was helios or mc! Im so so excited to find out! hes also so silly hes definitely my favourite <33) Honestly, ive been looking for my interactive fictions to get into, and this is just the one. Very excited to read more!
Thank you so much! 💗
Got me tearing up just during the prolog, can't wait for chapter 2 and more, already went ahead and followed ur tumblr and patreon.
Thank you so much! 💗 Your support made me really happy, I appreciate it. I hope you like the content available on patreon!
i loved reading this! you're really good at writing :)
(spoiler review-ish ahead?>>>>>>)
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the part where a nine year old marries an adult is...icky but it hasn't gotten to it yet so i'll hope for the best :0
Thank you! 💗
It's meant to be icky so I hope you feel icky when you get there haha
You're welcome! And oh that makes sense xD
Love this! Looking forward to upcoming chapters
Thank you!💗
first page of the prologue: "led eyes upon".
don't remember where nut you have the word "enoug" I think might be missing an 'h'.
and y'know just my preferences talking here but.. found the bit of
railroadingrepeating text a little jarring in a way that wasn't my vibe. also a lot of dripping dialogue lol, why not have some sentences drip with this tone but have the next one laced with it's own and the NEXT honeyed in it's tone and etc etc 👀Loving it so far and always thrilled to follow a rad newly discovered writer! Waiting with bated breath for more!
Hello, I'm glad you enjoyed it! 💗
"Led eyes upon" is actually correct grammar, I didn't mean for it to be "Laid eyes upon". I'll try to look for the missing h part haha 😂
Dripping dialogue was only used about 4 times in the demo but I went and saw that it was all towards the end so I understand why it felt like a lot.
I have a "report bugs" form on the pinned post on my tumblr blog, if you find anything else like typos then let me know! Thank you.
Huh, I would have thought it'd be lie eyes upon. MY BAD 😞
Is the story finished if not when is the next update :)?
The story is still in development, the next update is expected to be in April.
It’s official! I’m hooked! Your writing is amazing! The way you describe things really made me able to visualize it! I can’t wait for more <3
Thank you so much! I'm glad you were able to visualize things because of my writing, I've been trying to get better at describing locations to make players feel as if they're there so this means a lot to me. 💗
I'm so looking forward to this. Your writing is amazing and the story is soo interesting. I can't wait to this to continue (I already in love with some characters, they are so loveableee)
Thank you so much! 💗
Amazing story!! I really loved the plot! You are a amazing writer! I'm really looking forward to the next chapter! :)
Thank you so much! 💗
This is so good!! Just one little thing to point out:
[SPOILER WARNING]
MC finds his parent's room and runs into the king who has killed them. I chose the option where he finds a sword and stands up to the king stating that he has killed his family. Once Lancelot steps inand saves him, MC asks him if his parent's death is like an illness and if they will stop being dead at some point.[END SPOILER WARNING]
I find this naivety weird because MC just pointed out that they lost people to killing implying they understand the concept of death. I recommend changing this if they are intended to be naive (which is understandable since they are a young child at this point in time).
Hello, I'm glad you enjoyed it! 💗
It is stated earlier in the prologue that MC doesn't understand what death truly means and you can see throughout the chapter (e.g when MC encounters the dying soldier) that MC is still uncertain on what death looks like. They know the word death but not what it truly means except the fact once people die you can't interact with them. It's almost like an illness in their head, something that can be treated before it's too late.
I hope that made sense, if not let me know! Maybe I should add something like the above in the prologue so it doesn't seem strange. 😅
my love for your story and intriguing characters? frikkin wild.
haha cannot wait to see what you write up next <3
Thank you so much! 💗
ohhhh man. so much to dissect with these characters. >:) luceris especially. really really looking forward to more of this!!
Thank you so much! 💗
There is nothing greater than a flawless fantasy-infused revenge tale ✨. The more I read it, the better it gets!
It makes me happy that you've read it more than once, thank you! 💗
ofc I did, it deserves it ✨ 🫡
What does it mean there are no valid storage adapters? It's not letting me play despite using Google chrome
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Why do I always find games this good before they are fully released :c Pls, don't ever quit writing this story. I will simlpy not survive if you do.
Look on the brightside, you're here from the start! I'm glad you enjoyed it. 💗
This was amazing! I'm so ready for the next chapter. Absoultely captivating, I was so sad when I got to the end.
Thank you! 💗 My mission has been accomplished.
Wowe! This is so good! I love it <333
Thank you! 💗
Wow, that was so interesting and captivating.
The characters are very layered and the situation the MC's in makes us really engage against all the injustice inflicted by the King.
Also, seeing the main characters having their own opinions and visions is great. I like the writing and the UI is good.
Maybe a dark version would be easier on the eyes since I have high eye light sensitivity, although I'll definitely keep my eyes on this IF's next updates as I really like the idea behind it!
Hi! I'm planning on implementing a dark mode in the next update, currently I'm busy so it won't ’t be any time soon I'm afraid. I'm glad you enjoyed it!
No rush, keep developing the game at your time. Thank you for your great work!
For what's here already I really enjoyed it. There are some moments where emotions are forced on you a little though. I get that Lancelot is meant to be a sympathetic figure in an otherwise hostile environment, but I feel that my character warms up to him far too quickly, especially given all my choices up to that point had been either silence or outright hostility. The kitchen scene seems especially chummy given that my character still sees him as an enemy.
I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Looking forward to the second chapter. This was great.
Thank you! 💗
This is so good, it's so well written that I actually cried.
/Spoiler:
Reading this I noticed how petty I am, cuz damn I couldn't help myself, I had to tell Helios that his father killed my family lol can wait to see this story unravel and get mc's revenge
Thank you so much! 💗
Ahh! This is so good, I'm not usually drawn to fantasy but this has me hooked! I'm so looking forward to the next update!!
Thank you so much!! 💗
Also, I was going to ask is there a road map for this game? Like, are you aiming to release a chapter every 1-2 months or it just happens when it happens? :) thanks
It takes me max 2 months to write and get a chapter edited so I'm hoping chapter 2 will be out in April or before that.
And one more question, sorry. Do you know how many chapters there will be? :)
I'm thinking of 15 for book 1, I want to make it a duology or just 1 book with 2 parts. We will see how it goes!
Omg, i love this so much. I will keep hoping that the brothers are still alive, because of the necklace. Plzmplz plz ,🥲🥲
Thank you so much! 💗
I'm feeling kinda hypocritical. Like if I was in that monster place, I would do the same. But I'm not in his place, I'm in mc's place. So I hate him.
I really like the demo btw 💞
Thank you so much! 💗
You can almost say you already are halfay in his shoes, in a sense. The man lost a part of his family supposedly due to a murder culprit linked closely to MC. And now MC is in a position themselves where they lost family due to him murdering them.
But there are two possibly big key differences to situation between him and MC. The most notable one being what choice each readers' MC will make when dealing with Luceris: will they continue the cycle the king started or break it in some manner (not exactly forgiveness; just not resorting to his methods). The second (debatable) key difference is...well, MC saw for themselves Luceris had killed their family; was physically there when their home was under attack by him. Luceris, however, only discovered the poison when his wife passed away and has three big evidence that he claims as three big truths. However, while the clues may lead to the direction he and many others are convinced leads to the culprit being no question, they may not be as reliable as many believe. And MC themselves may discover something off if they look closer to things most others (maybe even the king himself) might've just did a glance of.
Man, imagine if it wasn't actually our sister that poisoned the queen and someone used her as an scape goat, what if the ones who poisoned the queen were the people who the king mentioned that frowned upon their union, imagine how the king would felt knowing he murdered innocent people and let an child, younger than his own, to suffer for it?
Again, that's just an random thought, but the angst would be welcome for that guy, I was almost simping for him thinking he had redemption but then that final just poured a bucked of cold water on my sympathy for him 🙂
Btw, Love the demo, can't wait for more ❤️
I was thinking the same thing! I'm wondering if maybe her sister really didn't do anything, but someone else did and just said that she was the one who told the servant to poison his wife.
Thank you! 💗
I think your thought isn't so random; in fact, some things that have come up in the story so far seem to show that Luceris is more in dark about what may really be going on than what he has the capacity to realize right now.
First, let's take a look at Luceris himself. Can we really say he's doing any of this with a clear mind? He was more than willing to send MC to the afterlife with their parents had Lancelot hadn't painted the fact that the person he was about to slaughter was younger than his own son. His goals are driven by his grieving love for a lost wife and a need to fill the hole of the loss by pursuing vengeance against anyone connected to her supposed murderer, no matter how uninvolved they were in the possible plot (like child MC). The moment he was given a name to target, he likely went charging for it and didn't give the clues presented to him the thorough look over needed to spot if something is off. And the years will likely not lessen his emotionlly cws.
Now, let's look at the evidence he presents MC of the sister's guilt as a murder culprit: a plant that is native to the homeland, a maid accomplice witness, and a letter apparently written by the sister. There's no denying all of this is quite incriminating, especially when one also adds the apparent history she has with him. However, all this evidence is not as intangible as he makes it seem; these are things that can be tampered with. And such a obvious path leading to said culprit (one he was strongly inclined to suspect in the first place), it makes the idea she is the true mastermind even more questionable: after all, someone who worked slowly and secretly to gradually poison the queen doesn't sound like a person who would leave behind such a obvious trail...unless they were leaving that trail behind on purpose to misled. And what could be more of a perfect scapegoat to their crimes than someone the king would easily suspect in his emotional state?
Finally, there's the initial rejection path and what it gives players a peek at. I feel it strongly implies that there may be a third party involved in all this, and one that is actively targeting MC and maybe even Luceris or/and Helios as well.
Now all this doesn't completely mean the sister wasn't some part of what happened to the queen; unfortunately there's currently no real solid evidence right now that proves someone else might be involved or that the current evidence has something off about it. But there are bits here and there so far that bring to question just how much can we really trust things are really as Luceris and his subjects make it seem.